I.
five sets of two hands, fingers spread wide
my best friend lying next to me squeaks out
“never have I ever masturbated”
a chortle and a shrug between the boys as they flick down their obligatory fingers
and I can’t help but feel a twinge in my stomach as my pinky follows suit
the silence in the room is thick and grey and suddenly sliced by
“…really?”
yes really.
have you ever experienced fun?

II.
I pull away a hair caught in my scarlet lipstick
in my reflection I see my table mate from english class
behind me she blinks twice and scoffs
“who are you trying to impress?”
the bathroom door is closed behind her before I can ask
the last time she did something to impress herself.

III.
before a trip to the mall
one of my friends spends two hours
perfecting her bronzer
and choosing the perfect pair of shoes
the other rubs in dry shampoo
and is out the door in less than five minutes
they are two of the most beautiful girls I’ve ever seen.

IV.
my father calls me beautiful through a mouthful of popcorn
as I pour a glass of milk to accompany my now third piece of leftover birthday cake
he plants a kiss on my cheek and I grin as I wipe it away.

V.
she asks me what to do to start loving herself
and I send her away to my full length mirror
and demand to only speak to her
when she’s found something to adore
the way I did with my knobby knees
and tiger-striped hips
and big square teeth
fifteen minutes go by
and she finally points to the freckles on her nose
splits into a grin
the one that makes everyone weak in the knees
and I watch the lightbulb go off above her head
as she realizes
it’s never been her job to hate her body

VI.
i tell my sister she looks cute today
and the look on her boyfriend’s face
when she blurts out “damn right I do!”
is priceless.

VII.
I used to worry that I’d never find someone who loved me at all
and now my biggest fear
is finding someone who can adore me as much as I’ve come to.

seven thoughts on self love that came to me before I got my driver’s license (llb)

hanecdote:

I’d like to take some time to talk about a couple things that are very close to my heart; Hanecdote and depression, When I launched the Ghoul Guide patches in June 2013 I had no ideas of the positivity they would spread across the world. They opened up a whole new platform for me to voice my beliefs in feminism and my experiences with depression and solidarity with mental health sufferers.
I’m writing this because I want to make people happy; I want to encourage people to love and be kind to themselves. I created a series of reward patches called ‘Little Victories; for that exact purpose, to give yourself a pat on the back for doing the little things which are so difficult for people who suffer with depression and anxiety. To buy for yourself as a “well done” or as a sign of support for a friend in a dark place; these patches serve multiple purposes. When I get feedback from my customers and followers my heart fills with joy knowing that I have impacted on someone’s mood as well as helping them on their own journey to happiness and self love.
I also just released a series called ‘Positivity Patches’ which is exactly what it says on the label. The aims of these patches are to spread a bit of brightness on an otherwise gloomy day whether that’s a message to yourself or those around you. I’ve suffered with depression since I was 14 and my experiences with it have deeply affected who I am and how I look at life. Depression affects so many people’s lives, not just the person suffering. It can feel like no one cares or that you’d be better off dead or like you’re a burden.
It’s a horrible lonely existence at worst and an emotionally draining burden at best. Suicide attempts, self harm and severe mood swings put my life on hold and prevented me from going to school properly. But despite that, I managed to get a BTEC Level 3 in Art and Design with only two GCSE’s and I’m now at university studying what I love. I still struggle everyday but if I can inspire and encourage someone else to keep going, I think I’ll be ok.
I like to think I am making a difference by producing these patches for people like me who need positive reinforcement. When I post my ‘Don’t Give Up’ patch on instagram and get comments like “I needed this <3” and “Thank you” all the late nights sewing have been worth it and even a small amount of sadness goes away for a while, knowing I’ve helped someone else. I hope I get to do this for a long time because it is the most rewarding thing I’ve ever achieved and it keeps me alive. Hanecdote’s prosperity and support keeps me alive and smiling even when my depression wants me curled up in bed. Thank you. 
Zoom Info
hanecdote:

I’d like to take some time to talk about a couple things that are very close to my heart; Hanecdote and depression, When I launched the Ghoul Guide patches in June 2013 I had no ideas of the positivity they would spread across the world. They opened up a whole new platform for me to voice my beliefs in feminism and my experiences with depression and solidarity with mental health sufferers.
I’m writing this because I want to make people happy; I want to encourage people to love and be kind to themselves. I created a series of reward patches called ‘Little Victories; for that exact purpose, to give yourself a pat on the back for doing the little things which are so difficult for people who suffer with depression and anxiety. To buy for yourself as a “well done” or as a sign of support for a friend in a dark place; these patches serve multiple purposes. When I get feedback from my customers and followers my heart fills with joy knowing that I have impacted on someone’s mood as well as helping them on their own journey to happiness and self love.
I also just released a series called ‘Positivity Patches’ which is exactly what it says on the label. The aims of these patches are to spread a bit of brightness on an otherwise gloomy day whether that’s a message to yourself or those around you. I’ve suffered with depression since I was 14 and my experiences with it have deeply affected who I am and how I look at life. Depression affects so many people’s lives, not just the person suffering. It can feel like no one cares or that you’d be better off dead or like you’re a burden.
It’s a horrible lonely existence at worst and an emotionally draining burden at best. Suicide attempts, self harm and severe mood swings put my life on hold and prevented me from going to school properly. But despite that, I managed to get a BTEC Level 3 in Art and Design with only two GCSE’s and I’m now at university studying what I love. I still struggle everyday but if I can inspire and encourage someone else to keep going, I think I’ll be ok.
I like to think I am making a difference by producing these patches for people like me who need positive reinforcement. When I post my ‘Don’t Give Up’ patch on instagram and get comments like “I needed this <3” and “Thank you” all the late nights sewing have been worth it and even a small amount of sadness goes away for a while, knowing I’ve helped someone else. I hope I get to do this for a long time because it is the most rewarding thing I’ve ever achieved and it keeps me alive. Hanecdote’s prosperity and support keeps me alive and smiling even when my depression wants me curled up in bed. Thank you. 
Zoom Info
hanecdote:

I’d like to take some time to talk about a couple things that are very close to my heart; Hanecdote and depression, When I launched the Ghoul Guide patches in June 2013 I had no ideas of the positivity they would spread across the world. They opened up a whole new platform for me to voice my beliefs in feminism and my experiences with depression and solidarity with mental health sufferers.
I’m writing this because I want to make people happy; I want to encourage people to love and be kind to themselves. I created a series of reward patches called ‘Little Victories; for that exact purpose, to give yourself a pat on the back for doing the little things which are so difficult for people who suffer with depression and anxiety. To buy for yourself as a “well done” or as a sign of support for a friend in a dark place; these patches serve multiple purposes. When I get feedback from my customers and followers my heart fills with joy knowing that I have impacted on someone’s mood as well as helping them on their own journey to happiness and self love.
I also just released a series called ‘Positivity Patches’ which is exactly what it says on the label. The aims of these patches are to spread a bit of brightness on an otherwise gloomy day whether that’s a message to yourself or those around you. I’ve suffered with depression since I was 14 and my experiences with it have deeply affected who I am and how I look at life. Depression affects so many people’s lives, not just the person suffering. It can feel like no one cares or that you’d be better off dead or like you’re a burden.
It’s a horrible lonely existence at worst and an emotionally draining burden at best. Suicide attempts, self harm and severe mood swings put my life on hold and prevented me from going to school properly. But despite that, I managed to get a BTEC Level 3 in Art and Design with only two GCSE’s and I’m now at university studying what I love. I still struggle everyday but if I can inspire and encourage someone else to keep going, I think I’ll be ok.
I like to think I am making a difference by producing these patches for people like me who need positive reinforcement. When I post my ‘Don’t Give Up’ patch on instagram and get comments like “I needed this <3” and “Thank you” all the late nights sewing have been worth it and even a small amount of sadness goes away for a while, knowing I’ve helped someone else. I hope I get to do this for a long time because it is the most rewarding thing I’ve ever achieved and it keeps me alive. Hanecdote’s prosperity and support keeps me alive and smiling even when my depression wants me curled up in bed. Thank you. 
Zoom Info
hanecdote:

I’d like to take some time to talk about a couple things that are very close to my heart; Hanecdote and depression, When I launched the Ghoul Guide patches in June 2013 I had no ideas of the positivity they would spread across the world. They opened up a whole new platform for me to voice my beliefs in feminism and my experiences with depression and solidarity with mental health sufferers.
I’m writing this because I want to make people happy; I want to encourage people to love and be kind to themselves. I created a series of reward patches called ‘Little Victories; for that exact purpose, to give yourself a pat on the back for doing the little things which are so difficult for people who suffer with depression and anxiety. To buy for yourself as a “well done” or as a sign of support for a friend in a dark place; these patches serve multiple purposes. When I get feedback from my customers and followers my heart fills with joy knowing that I have impacted on someone’s mood as well as helping them on their own journey to happiness and self love.
I also just released a series called ‘Positivity Patches’ which is exactly what it says on the label. The aims of these patches are to spread a bit of brightness on an otherwise gloomy day whether that’s a message to yourself or those around you. I’ve suffered with depression since I was 14 and my experiences with it have deeply affected who I am and how I look at life. Depression affects so many people’s lives, not just the person suffering. It can feel like no one cares or that you’d be better off dead or like you’re a burden.
It’s a horrible lonely existence at worst and an emotionally draining burden at best. Suicide attempts, self harm and severe mood swings put my life on hold and prevented me from going to school properly. But despite that, I managed to get a BTEC Level 3 in Art and Design with only two GCSE’s and I’m now at university studying what I love. I still struggle everyday but if I can inspire and encourage someone else to keep going, I think I’ll be ok.
I like to think I am making a difference by producing these patches for people like me who need positive reinforcement. When I post my ‘Don’t Give Up’ patch on instagram and get comments like “I needed this <3” and “Thank you” all the late nights sewing have been worth it and even a small amount of sadness goes away for a while, knowing I’ve helped someone else. I hope I get to do this for a long time because it is the most rewarding thing I’ve ever achieved and it keeps me alive. Hanecdote’s prosperity and support keeps me alive and smiling even when my depression wants me curled up in bed. Thank you. 
Zoom Info

hanecdote:

I’d like to take some time to talk about a couple things that are very close to my heart; Hanecdote and depression, When I launched the Ghoul Guide patches in June 2013 I had no ideas of the positivity they would spread across the world. They opened up a whole new platform for me to voice my beliefs in feminism and my experiences with depression and solidarity with mental health sufferers.

I’m writing this because I want to make people happy; I want to encourage people to love and be kind to themselves. I created a series of reward patches called ‘Little Victories; for that exact purpose, to give yourself a pat on the back for doing the little things which are so difficult for people who suffer with depression and anxiety. To buy for yourself as a “well done” or as a sign of support for a friend in a dark place; these patches serve multiple purposes. When I get feedback from my customers and followers my heart fills with joy knowing that I have impacted on someone’s mood as well as helping them on their own journey to happiness and self love.

I also just released a series called ‘Positivity Patches’ which is exactly what it says on the label. The aims of these patches are to spread a bit of brightness on an otherwise gloomy day whether that’s a message to yourself or those around you. I’ve suffered with depression since I was 14 and my experiences with it have deeply affected who I am and how I look at life. Depression affects so many people’s lives, not just the person suffering. It can feel like no one cares or that you’d be better off dead or like you’re a burden.

It’s a horrible lonely existence at worst and an emotionally draining burden at best. Suicide attempts, self harm and severe mood swings put my life on hold and prevented me from going to school properly. But despite that, I managed to get a BTEC Level 3 in Art and Design with only two GCSE’s and I’m now at university studying what I love. I still struggle everyday but if I can inspire and encourage someone else to keep going, I think I’ll be ok.

I like to think I am making a difference by producing these patches for people like me who need positive reinforcement. When I post my ‘Don’t Give Up’ patch on instagram and get comments like “I needed this <3” and “Thank you” all the late nights sewing have been worth it and even a small amount of sadness goes away for a while, knowing I’ve helped someone else. I hope I get to do this for a long time because it is the most rewarding thing I’ve ever achieved and it keeps me alive. Hanecdote’s prosperity and support keeps me alive and smiling even when my depression wants me curled up in bed. Thank you.